> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her
> on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I
> found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
> Equ ally unfortunate, my wife is like most women-she loved
> to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
> letter from the local Target.
> >
> > Dear Mrs. Johnson,
> > Over the past six months, your husband has caused
> quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
> behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
> store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.Samsel, are
> listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
> cameras.
> >
> > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
> them in other people's carts when they weren't
> looking.
> >
> > 2. July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to
> go off at 5-minute intervals.
> >
> > 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the
> floor leading to the women's restroom.
> >
> > 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
> an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
> right away. This caused the employee to leave her
> assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
> that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
> management to lose time and costing the company money.
> >
> > 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put
> a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
> >
> > 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
> sign to a carpeted area.
> >
> > 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping depar tment
> and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if
> they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
> department to which twenty children obliged.
> >
> > 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
> him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
> people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
> >
> > 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera
> and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
> >
> > 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
> department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
> were....
> >
> > 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
> while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
> >
> > 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
> his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
> funnels.
> >
> > 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
> browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
> >
> > 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
> loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed
> 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
> >
> > And last, but not least:
> > 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
> door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
> There's no toilet paper in here.