Happiness is...
- Thread starter Celery
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Wallaby Dan
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The Winter Boots (Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the
little boots still didn't want to go on.By the time they got the second boot on, she
had worked up a sweat.She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off, than it was putting them on.She managed to keep her cool as, together,
they worked to get the boots back on, this timeon the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?'
like she wanted t
nce again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his
little feet.No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.But she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'Now, where are your mittens?' He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots...'
She'll be eligible for parole in three years…
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the
little boots still didn't want to go on.By the time they got the second boot on, she
had worked up a sweat.She almost cried when the little boy said,
'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were.Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off, than it was putting them on.She managed to keep her cool as, together,
they worked to get the boots back on, this timeon the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?'
like she wanted t
nce again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off hislittle feet.No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.But she mustered up what grace and courage
she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.Helping him into his coat, she asked,
'Now, where are your mittens?' He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots...'
She'll be eligible for parole in three years…
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
My friend sent this to me and I have laughed for the last half hour.
I just had to forward it to many so this was the nest way. ENJOY ! !
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
'I think I like playing with men's balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, '
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!
ROFL!!!! If you don't you're Dead!!!
I just had to forward it to many so this was the nest way. ENJOY ! !
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
'I think I like playing with men's balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, '
No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty
in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and
I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were laughing so hard!
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!
ROFL!!!! If you don't you're Dead!!!
PP Mguire
Build Guru
- Messages
- 32,592
- Location
- Fort Worth, Texas
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 6 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for ONE minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money! Dudes still paying on school loans. Just goes to show u only ONE minor mistake can ruin ur life. Please pray for him and his family. He is a really great guy and one of the best veterinarians I know.
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