Jokes

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PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Math
NEC = Not Even Close
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI = System Can't See It
DOS = Defunct Operating System
BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
DEC = Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW = World Wide Wait
WINDOWS = Will Install Needless Data on Whole System
 
There used to be a pinned thread for jokes. In fact, there were several succesive pinned threads...because each time one reached around thirty or so pages, it was agreed upon to let it fall and begin a new joke thread. Maybe it's time to pin this up to the top.
 
"Winlows..."

TheMajor said:
Bill Gates' Honeymoon

After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.
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:p :cool:
 
A Rabbi, a blonde, and a Priest walk into a bar.

The bartender turns around and says, "What is this? A joke?"
 
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me never to wear her clothes again.
 
LOL

I actually tried doing that with my gf's underwear, just as a joke to get her with when she got home...but there was just one problem...

I've got a 46 inch waist and a 52inch chest...I probably could have worn her panties as a necktie...
 
Is this appropiate?

What A Woman/Man Really Means

What a woman says, what she really means...

I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

What a man says, what he really means...

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!
 
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