soundgarden
In Runtime
- Messages
- 332
M16 said:
Dude, it doesnt matter.
It brought images to my head.
.:New Joke Thread:.
- Thread starter Erstad
- Start date
- Status
Dude, it doesnt matter.
It brought images to my head.
Dave
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,866
- Location
- "Almost Heaven" USA
That was a very inappropriate joke. It has been [SNIPPED]. If this is a hill billy joke, please refrain from those.
Also, there are some states whose residents are called hill billys. I'm sure this is very offensive.
Thanks for not posting anymore of this nature.
Dave
Also, there are some states whose residents are called hill billys. I'm sure this is very offensive.
Thanks for not posting anymore of this nature.
Dave
M16
In Runtime
- Messages
- 143
- Location
- California
ok i wont post any more like that and sorry of i offened anyone.
Dave
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,866
- Location
- "Almost Heaven" USA
Thanks, M16.
Dave
Dave
Shumway
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 2,729
- Location
- London - Ontario - Canada
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of saran wrap, The psychiatrist take's one look at him and say's well i can clearly see your nut's.
soundgarden said:
oh I get it. soundgarden it means your mom is going to die (not litterally) so that way you would know her longer. this wasn't that funny, i think it was just supposed to be a mind thumper.
Shumway, thanks for that joke. I think it's gotten funnier after hearing it for the millionth time
Shumway
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 2,729
- Location
- London - Ontario - Canada
Oh I'm Soooooooooooooooooooo Sorry!!!
these amy be highly offensive so please no hate amil to me i am really sorry but they are kinda funny
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of
fermented goat's milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and
they
start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."
"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
> > >A stranger was seated next to a Jamaican on Air Jamaica when the
> > > >stranger turned to the Jamaican and said, "Let's talk. I've
> > > >heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with
> > > >your fellow passenger."
> > > >
> > > >The Jamaican, who had just turned on some reggae on his
> > > >walkman, turned it down, and said to the stranger, "Wha yu like fe
> > discuss,
> > > >Sah?"
> > > >
> > > >"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger thinking that he would stump
the
> > > >Jamaican, he said, "Nuclear power?"
> > > >
> > > >"Aaaright," said the Jamaican. "dat could be one in-tresting topic.
> > > >But mek me ask yu one question fus".
> > > >
> > > >"Go ahead " , said the stranger.
> > > >
> > > >"A donkey, a cow an deer all eat grass, rite?
> > > >Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow tun out flat patties,
> an
> > > >donkey produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
> > > >
> > > >"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
> > > >
> > > >"Well, den," said the Jamaican, "How de rass is it dat yu feel
> qualified
> > fe
> > > >discuss nuclear power wen yu don't even know shiit?"
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
A woman walks into a Mercedes dealership. She browses
around, then spots the car of her dreams and walks
over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine
leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her.
Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to
see if anyone has noticed her little accident and
hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But, as
she turns back, there standing next to her, is a
salesman "Good day, Madame How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say.... If you farted just touching it...
you're going to shit when you hear the price.
> > > ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
> > > Smart man + smart woman = romance
> > >
> > > Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> > >
> > > Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> > >
> > > Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > SHOPPING MATH
> > >
> > > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> > >
> > > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> > >
> > > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
> > >
> > > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> > >
> > > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
> > > spend.
> > >
> > > A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > HAPPINESS
> > >
> > > To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
> > > little.
> > >
> > > To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
> > > understand her at all.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > LONGEVITY
> > >
> > > Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a
> > > lot more willing to die.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
> > >
> > > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> > >
> > > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
> > >
> > > A woman has the last word in any argument.
> > >
> > > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
> > >
> > > Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
> > > and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
> > > >doing
> > > the same thing to them at funerals.
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of
fermented goat's milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and
they
start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."
"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
> > >A stranger was seated next to a Jamaican on Air Jamaica when the
> > > >stranger turned to the Jamaican and said, "Let's talk. I've
> > > >heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with
> > > >your fellow passenger."
> > > >
> > > >The Jamaican, who had just turned on some reggae on his
> > > >walkman, turned it down, and said to the stranger, "Wha yu like fe
> > discuss,
> > > >Sah?"
> > > >
> > > >"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger thinking that he would stump
the
> > > >Jamaican, he said, "Nuclear power?"
> > > >
> > > >"Aaaright," said the Jamaican. "dat could be one in-tresting topic.
> > > >But mek me ask yu one question fus".
> > > >
> > > >"Go ahead " , said the stranger.
> > > >
> > > >"A donkey, a cow an deer all eat grass, rite?
> > > >Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow tun out flat patties,
> an
> > > >donkey produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
> > > >
> > > >"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
> > > >
> > > >"Well, den," said the Jamaican, "How de rass is it dat yu feel
> qualified
> > fe
> > > >discuss nuclear power wen yu don't even know shiit?"
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
A woman walks into a Mercedes dealership. She browses
around, then spots the car of her dreams and walks
over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine
leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her.
Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to
see if anyone has noticed her little accident and
hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But, as
she turns back, there standing next to her, is a
salesman "Good day, Madame How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say.... If you farted just touching it...
you're going to shit when you hear the price.
> > > ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
> > > Smart man + smart woman = romance
> > >
> > > Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> > >
> > > Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> > >
> > > Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > SHOPPING MATH
> > >
> > > A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> > >
> > > A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> > >
> > > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
> > >
> > > A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> > >
> > > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
> > > spend.
> > >
> > > A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > HAPPINESS
> > >
> > > To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
> > > little.
> > >
> > > To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
> > > understand her at all.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > LONGEVITY
> > >
> > > Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a
> > > lot more willing to die.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
> > >
> > > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> > >
> > > A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
> > >
> > > A woman has the last word in any argument.
> > >
> > > Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
> > >
> > > Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
> > > and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
> > > >doing
> > > the same thing to them at funerals.
- Status
