The thread of many lulz

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Some others I came across on MakeUseOf...

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And now a few from the mind of the Crackhead Ninja:

"My wife has just said to me "How about you dress up in that black mask again, pretending you broke into the houseand had passionate sex with me......., you know, like you did a few weeks ago?"
I have no idea what she's talking about."

"Police called off the search for the person who flour bombed Kim Kardashian..after they learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing!"

"Wanna bang tonight? I mean hang duck auto-cucumber God donut How the duck do I turn this off"

"I was wondering why Santorum stayed in the election so long but then I read that he has seven kids - so I'm thinking that he has a hard time "pulling out" of anything..."

"Why don't you make your bed? Me: Probably for the same reason you don't tie your shoes after you take them off."

"I swear some people where conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an ***hole is natural."

"My friend didn't give me a present for my birthday, but his sister did. For his birthday he's getting the video."

"i dont believe in beating my kids. so i make them wear a justin bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me"
 
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