"Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2007" & "Don't retire to Alaska....."

[Trotter]

Another couple of good ones.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2007

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30¢?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Don't retire to Alaska.....

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Havin g a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'." "Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right . I'll be there, Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too," "Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter .... Just gonna be the two of us."

(My mom sent me the second one...)

 

[hillbillybob]

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Dang right, stick a couple of rednecks on it with lots of beer/whiskey. Problem solved in about 2 weeks. I saw a caption of a picture one time about the RNSF - RedNeck Special Forces.

I had heard the alasky joke, but it's still funny

 

[idiotec]

Good stuff

Trotter is on a roll!

 

[hilowe]

Re: Re: "Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2007" & "Don't retire to Alaska....."

I saw a caption of a picture one time about the RNSF - RedNeck Special Forces.

You mean this one?

http://www.lilesnet.com/patriotic/Iraq/red_neck_special_forces.htm

 

[hillbillybob]

Yep, that's it