Often when i'm at LAN party, i would have to go out for a while for someodd reason and find when i come back, some complete n00b took my computer because his own computer either, wouldn't work/too slow/has too much s*** on it to be fast enough/too slow because he has never heard the word 'update' before/he's reinstalling windows.
So when i get back, i turn into 'the sailor':
"Get the !&@# off of my $%^&ing Computer you little peice of $*^&!!!!!! Ahhh $)#^, what the @*#! did you $*#(ing do?!?!?!?!?!?"