Just realized how easy it is to become someone you've hated all your life
- Thread starter krazyq
- Start date
- Status
It happens, the biggest thing being you realized you were being a idiot and thats life lessons.
Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth they say.
I can tell you that I have screwed up mega big time in the past and laid in the pain only to realize some years later I would not trade where I am now for what I thought I wanted then.
Peace
Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth they say.
I can tell you that I have screwed up mega big time in the past and laid in the pain only to realize some years later I would not trade where I am now for what I thought I wanted then.
Peace
HAVOC
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,217
- Location
- Milford, Connecticut
crazyq,
I was wondering if you could share something else with us, since you shared so much already.
"What's your relationship like with your mother?"
I was wondering if you could share something else with us, since you shared so much already.
"What's your relationship like with your mother?"
My mom...
were very close ...all my siblings are really close to my mom.
I can't ever hide anything...
And i do kknow that effects your relationship with the girl...cos sometimes u look for things in the girl that your mother has (sounds wierd) but it is true.
Not sure if u wanted a more specific answer?
superdave1984
Repeat Offender
- Messages
- 1,986
- Location
- KY
Once again being one of the old farts on here I have to give my two cents.
If she is an ex, there's a reason. Maybe a bunch of reasons. If it didn't work and you tried again and it didn't work, let it go. The odds of the two of you ever being together and happy are next to zero. You are responsible for your own happiness. When bad experiences happen, you either learn from them or you repeat them. Here's a neat test to see if it will work with your ex. The results of the test are 99% accurate. Take a hammer and hit yourself in the manbag as hard as you can. If it doesn't hurt, get back with her because all will be wonderful. If it hurts, you get what you deserve for being a moron if you get back with her.
Best advice would be to take some time off from any relationships and become better acquainted with yourself. And no I don't mean that in a self gratification manner. Figure out who you are, what you want, what you need and what you are willing to give up. No woman is perfect. You just have to find one that is perfect for you. Or at least close enough. Your needs and your wants are vastly different in most cases. And people confuse the two.
You obviously have given a lot of thought to recent events. Just clear your head, remember that any person in your life is a luxury and should be treated as such.
And never, I mean EVER date a woman named Kelly. Trust the "twice divorced/many hours of therapy/ex wife ran over me with my own van" dude here.
If she is an ex, there's a reason. Maybe a bunch of reasons. If it didn't work and you tried again and it didn't work, let it go. The odds of the two of you ever being together and happy are next to zero. You are responsible for your own happiness. When bad experiences happen, you either learn from them or you repeat them. Here's a neat test to see if it will work with your ex. The results of the test are 99% accurate. Take a hammer and hit yourself in the manbag as hard as you can. If it doesn't hurt, get back with her because all will be wonderful. If it hurts, you get what you deserve for being a moron if you get back with her.
Best advice would be to take some time off from any relationships and become better acquainted with yourself. And no I don't mean that in a self gratification manner. Figure out who you are, what you want, what you need and what you are willing to give up. No woman is perfect. You just have to find one that is perfect for you. Or at least close enough. Your needs and your wants are vastly different in most cases. And people confuse the two.
You obviously have given a lot of thought to recent events. Just clear your head, remember that any person in your life is a luxury and should be treated as such.
And never, I mean EVER date a woman named Kelly. Trust the "twice divorced/many hours of therapy/ex wife ran over me with my own van" dude here.
HAVOC
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,217
- Location
- Milford, Connecticut
Who's the favorite? Who seems to get all the attention?
sorry to hear about your ex but it sounds crazy.
And i think i'll avoid the hammer test cos i know the results and it all makes sense and thats why im taking time off to figure things out.
The girls heart that i broke gave me everything i wanted and needed and she never asked for much in return plus she never ggave me a single prob nor ever stressed me out...
And its true...my ex is an ex for many ...MANY reasons...i belive its time for me to be alone and re create my self and figure out if this new girl is someone i shud be with or let her go before i hurt her even more or by forcing myself into it and start doing something that will make me happy...i do know shes a great person and maybe being friends will be the best thing....but i dont wanna jump to conclusions so quick now so i believe time is the best solution now.
Thanks!!!
tbh honest... i've always been the goodie boy and the responsible one...my older sister is all married now ...my older bro is really irresponsible and so is my younger sis so yeah..i dont get pampered ...never did when i was young too...my and my older sis were the least spoiled compared to my younger sis and older bro.
But i never got into big problems except with my ex...but nothing else...
anything else you need to k now?
Let me be blunt... this will not help you at all. Been there, done that. We've got too many living for "ME-ME-ME" already. In fact, this is exactly how you ended up where you are right now... by thinking and acting selfishly and not considering the effects it would have in the lives of those closest to you.
Doing some soul-searching would be good for you, though. Spend time with family and friends, people who won't pull any punches with you and who won't feed you the "you time" BS. Don't avoid healthy relationships, but don't seek out any romantic ones either. Let time do its work in you; while it won't erase anything, it will begin to help the scars fade.
While I married young and have remained married to the same woman for over 20 years thus far, I have learned a thing or two about relationships... both through experience and through observation. The biggest thing is that every relationship is not equal; there is no 50/50. Every relationship, especially a (and I hesitate to use the term) romantic one, must be 100/100 or it is setting itself up for problems. That means that 100% of you must be for her, and 100% of her must be for you... and I am not talking about sex (but fidelity is a given in this context) or attention. Unless both of you are completely invested in the relationship and are set to make it through thick and thin you are wasting your time.
Another thing is that you can't go on feelings. The "in love" euphoria does not last. The average life span for it is two years. If the two of you do not work to build a relationship built on something besides the euphoria or sex you will both wake up one day and decide you don't love each other any more.
Love, true love, is a choice. It has nothing to do with beauty, it has noting to do with butterflies in your stomach, it has nothing to do with sex. Love is choosing the interests of your mate above your own, putting her welfare first. That doesn't mean you give over to her on everything, though. It means you consider her and what your action/choice would do to her, how it would affect her... even if you know she would never find out about it.
You have screwed up and made some really bad decisions. Give things time, but don't cut off all communication if you want to try to rebuild trust. Trust must be earned; it cannot be demanded or expected. A woman needs security in life... in relationships especially. Keep the channels open and let her know that you want to pick up the pieces if and when she is ready (if you actually want to do that).
You can take my advice or ignore it, but I am shooting straight with you. While our customs and beliefs are different, I have found that relationships work the same no matter where you are. You can start working on rebuilding, or you can focus solely on yourself and finish destroying what remains. It is totally up to you.
While i do agree with some things said the truth is this.
We all have gone through this phase of loved and lost. Some more than others. People like Trotter who found the one for them young are very rare now. I started dating at 13 and i didnt find my "True" love till i was mid-20's.
Did i do something wrong? No. Did they do something wrong? No.
It is as Trotter said. You have to be for that person 110%. If your actions, thoughts and motives are not even considering that other person when a situation comes up then there are things to be worked out. Cause it most likely wont last.
I have had many women in my life that i thought were the "One" for me. I hurt several, several hurt me. Yet here i sit in my relationship with my loving wife and child. Already been over 2 years of marriage and several years together and it still feels like the first time we meet.
Trust is something that is hard to come by, takes a ton of work, and is something that is tested everyday. There is never a simple answer. What you may call love we may say was lust. What you say you feel might just be urges that you have. We dont know. but the truth is this,
If they are the one, you will know. It isnt something that comes to you when you first meet. It isnt something that you just decide one day. You know it cause you work on the relationship no matter what.
Over my years i have had many partners, both sexually and non-sexual. Of all of them this is the only 1 i truly worked hard for to keep it going no matter what. I made the choice cause i felt it in not only my heart, not only my head but all over. In my bones. I felt the love for her and knew that i would do anything for her.
When you get that feeling is when you know. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow. It may not even be in this decade or the next. It is just something that you know and feel. It isnt based on looks, it isnt based on attraction, it isnt based on how much she is willing to sacrifice for you or you for her. It will be how much you are willing to compromise with her to make it to the equal ground that you both agree on. That you both are happy with.
The whole "Me" thing doesnt even come into play. when you know it will be "Us".
This experience will be what you want it to be. Either a stepping stone to better yourself or a hinderance on every relationship you have from here on out. Either you learn to conquer this aspect of yourself that you say you hate so much or you let it linger in the back of your mind everytime you enter a relationship and have it end up destroying it.
We can give advice, we can give our personal experiences, we can tell stories of what happened to us and what we did about it. But in the end you have to decide. You know the man you want to be. you are the one that has to figure out the best way to get there. We can say all this stuff, but in the end it doesnt matter. All that matters is what you do.
No ill feelings about any of this Kraz. But you know i have been honest with you before and i wont stop now. Some people may agree with what i said here, others wont. This is my thoughts. This is my story. I can only hope that you read it and try to make the best of it and use some of my bad things to make yourself better.
We all have gone through this phase of loved and lost. Some more than others. People like Trotter who found the one for them young are very rare now. I started dating at 13 and i didnt find my "True" love till i was mid-20's.
Did i do something wrong? No. Did they do something wrong? No.
It is as Trotter said. You have to be for that person 110%. If your actions, thoughts and motives are not even considering that other person when a situation comes up then there are things to be worked out. Cause it most likely wont last.
I have had many women in my life that i thought were the "One" for me. I hurt several, several hurt me. Yet here i sit in my relationship with my loving wife and child. Already been over 2 years of marriage and several years together and it still feels like the first time we meet.
Trust is something that is hard to come by, takes a ton of work, and is something that is tested everyday. There is never a simple answer. What you may call love we may say was lust. What you say you feel might just be urges that you have. We dont know. but the truth is this,
If they are the one, you will know. It isnt something that comes to you when you first meet. It isnt something that you just decide one day. You know it cause you work on the relationship no matter what.
Over my years i have had many partners, both sexually and non-sexual. Of all of them this is the only 1 i truly worked hard for to keep it going no matter what. I made the choice cause i felt it in not only my heart, not only my head but all over. In my bones. I felt the love for her and knew that i would do anything for her.
When you get that feeling is when you know. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow. It may not even be in this decade or the next. It is just something that you know and feel. It isnt based on looks, it isnt based on attraction, it isnt based on how much she is willing to sacrifice for you or you for her. It will be how much you are willing to compromise with her to make it to the equal ground that you both agree on. That you both are happy with.
The whole "Me" thing doesnt even come into play. when you know it will be "Us".
This experience will be what you want it to be. Either a stepping stone to better yourself or a hinderance on every relationship you have from here on out. Either you learn to conquer this aspect of yourself that you say you hate so much or you let it linger in the back of your mind everytime you enter a relationship and have it end up destroying it.
We can give advice, we can give our personal experiences, we can tell stories of what happened to us and what we did about it. But in the end you have to decide. You know the man you want to be. you are the one that has to figure out the best way to get there. We can say all this stuff, but in the end it doesnt matter. All that matters is what you do.
No ill feelings about any of this Kraz. But you know i have been honest with you before and i wont stop now. Some people may agree with what i said here, others wont. This is my thoughts. This is my story. I can only hope that you read it and try to make the best of it and use some of my bad things to make yourself better.
SHe just sent me this msg
Im not replyin cos i wanna think about my next decision.
I just read what mak and trotter said and i'll reply to that soon i just have to sleep now and wake up early for work.
I got some more thinking to do and ill post back.
thanks!
Im not replyin cos i wanna think about my next decision.
I just read what mak and trotter said and i'll reply to that soon i just have to sleep now and wake up early for work.
I got some more thinking to do and ill post back.
thanks!
- Status
