i need to be selfish and make decisions that iwll make me happy and my bro said the exact same things u said in those exact same words as well so i guess you guys are right.
Let me be blunt... this will not help you at all. Been there, done that. We've got too many living for "ME-ME-ME" already. In fact, this is
exactly how you ended up where you are right now... by thinking and acting selfishly and not considering the effects it would have in the lives of those closest to you.
Doing some soul-searching would be good for you, though. Spend time with family and friends, people who won't pull any punches with you and who won't feed you the "you time" BS. Don't avoid healthy relationships, but don't seek out any romantic ones either. Let time do its work in you; while it won't erase anything, it will begin to help the scars fade.
While I married young and have remained married to the same woman for over 20 years thus far, I have learned a thing or two about relationships... both through experience and through observation. The biggest thing is that every relationship is not equal; there is no 50/50. Every relationship, especially a (and I hesitate to use the term) romantic one, must be 100/100 or it is setting itself up for problems. That means that 100% of you must be for her, and 100% of her must be for you... and I am not talking about sex (but fidelity is a given in this context) or attention. Unless both of you are completely invested in the relationship and are set to make it through thick and thin you are wasting your time.
Another thing is that you can't go on feelings. The "in love" euphoria does not last. The average life span for it is two years. If the two of you do not work to build a relationship built on something besides the euphoria or sex you will both wake up one day and decide you don't love each other any more.
Love, true love, is a choice. It has nothing to do with beauty, it has noting to do with butterflies in your stomach, it has nothing to do with sex. Love is choosing the interests of your mate above your own, putting her welfare first. That doesn't mean you give over to her on everything, though. It means you consider her and what your action/choice would do to her, how it would affect her... even if you know she would never find out about it.
You have screwed up and made some really bad decisions. Give things time, but don't cut off all communication if you want to try to rebuild trust. Trust must be earned; it cannot be demanded or expected. A woman needs security in life... in relationships especially. Keep the channels open and let her know that you want to pick up the pieces if and when she is ready (if you actually want to do that).
You can take my advice or ignore it, but I am shooting straight with you. While our customs and beliefs are different, I have found that relationships work the same no matter where you are. You can start working on rebuilding, or you can focus solely on yourself and finish destroying what remains. It is totally up to you.