Joke Thread

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Ecniv

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Ok, I'm bored, so I figured I'd start a joke thread like I have participated in on some other forums. Heres some funny stuff I read:


Life's Little Questions

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he or
she is going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet
paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in -- well, you get the idea.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?


Anyone else have any good jokes?
 

Martin

Daemon Poster
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Learn Chinese in 5 minutes: :D

Really, this is to make fun the aweful accent the average Chinese person has while speaking English, but what the heck. If anyone finds it offensive, then I'll remove. I'm half Chinese myself, so I don't really have a prob with it. :)

NOTE: You must read these out loud :D

1) That's not right ......... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP..........Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ..............Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse ...........Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ........Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift .......Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here .....Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ......Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone .......No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..........Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight .........Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ..... Wa Shing Ka

:D
 

shan

Daemon Poster
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This is going on my signature!
€cniv said:


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
€cniv said:

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
TESTICALS!!!
 

shan

Daemon Poster
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1,364
There are two types of people in this world:

1. Those who finish what they start.
2.
 

Martin

Daemon Poster
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Location
California
The Lord's Prayer rewritten for nerds: :D

Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck! May all 0ur base someday be belong to you! May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven. Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe. And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us. Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the f3i off our backs, we'd appreciate it. For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3n 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
 

Dave

Fully Optimized
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Location
"Almost Heaven" USA
5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions!

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

To err is human, but it takes a computer to really foul things up!

I bought some batteries. But since they weren't included, I had to go back to the store to buy more.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!

Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing!

Never knock on Deaths' door. Ring the doorbell and run (he really hates that)!

It takes 42 muscles to frown. It takes 17 to smile. It takes about 3 to reach out and slap the one making you frown.

Give me ambiguity, or give me something else.

Sarcasm is just one more free service that I offer.

:D
 
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