Hey all, just woke up after a rather eventful night yesterday (Friday) and I feel the need to regail you with my 'saga'. Be warned, its a fair length and will no doubt contain many grammar errors. It also doesn't actually pick up fully to the end, sorry 
Please bare in mind that everything that happens here-in is 100% true, sworn upon both my Life and my Code (I adopted a code of honour about 6 months ago.... long story)
Right, ok, so here goes:
Yesterday I rang my mate Matt up to see if he wanted to 'gather a Krew' and go out, he did his usual: "Argg, mmm, ergg, I'll ring ya in like five mins man", I said "Ok" and got back to doing some 3D modeling. I did about 25 mins of modeling and then the phone rings, I pick it up and its Matt.
"Hey, yeh, I'll come out but I couldn't get Jack, his phones engaged. You say Jason would come out?"
"Aye, well he told me at school he would, however Jase is a bit of a fag sometimes..... Well that sucks, Jack better be in"
"Yeh. So, where we meeting?"
"I'll jog down to yours" I said
So, with that settled i grabbed all my 'shizz' (coat, glucose and wallet) and set off on the short jog to Matts house. Jogging through the hoards of chavs (For you Americans: Chavs are like the slime of modern day British youth, the word is believed to stand for 'Counsel House and Violent') that always congregate upon the 'Marsh' (a MASSIVE field near my house). I manged to weave past all the chav groups without any trouble, they normally at least get me to stop and we have the mandatory "How are we lads?" conversation that is the way Chavs decide whether you are worth mugging or not.
So anyways, once passed the 'chav guard' i was nearly at Matt's, a couple more minutes of jogging and I arrived at his house. Knocking upon the door, I waited the usual 5 mins that it takes for him to 'find his shoes' (you'd think he'd get ready whilst I'm jogging.... ass). Anyways, once ready we both begin the very short walk to our mate Jasons house. Needless to say, the asshat decided not to come out as he was doing something 'important' (playing World of N00Bcraft). With our spirits dashed we set off to our other mates home, Jacks house which was yet another short walk (thank god for living close-ish together).
Ok, as I am now getting bored of writing about the none eventful parts of the 'eve I'm going to skip forward in time, so, lets just say that Jack agreed to come out and joined us on our 'wandering around night'. Moving forward in time again, we are now walking along a long road (Fanta-Z in hand) when we see two girls up ahead. I think to myself "Who are they, do we know 'em?" but that question is soon answered when they both cross the road and one latches onto me in a 'hug of death'. My mate Jack is all like "Err, what the ****?" to which I reply with "I've got a feeling they're slightly ****ing drunk".
"We're not drunk" giggles the girl (Charlotte) latched onto me "We have just had some rum, cider, brandy, and...", she goes on to recount numerous other alcohols whilst I try to pry her off me. My mate Matt, ever the smart one, begins asking the other girl (unsure of her name) about where they got the alcohol (so we could go buy some), she however ignores the question and stares around blankly, eventually mentioning the alcohol they've been drinking (Gah, that situation wasn't going anywhere). Eventually I managed to slip out of Charlottes hug (I could hardly just throw her off and risk hurting her) and regain the breath that had been all but squeezed out of me (despite the fact that she's quite a small girl). So, we talked with the girls for a bit, and told them "We had to be going as we're off to meet up with some mates" (Lie) which managed to get them to bugger off. Continuing our walk down the road we got a call from Jason. He spoke to Matt and said something along the lines of "Yeh, now I'll come out, just come back here". Grumbling we changed course and headed back the way we'd come, back towards Jasons house (Fag....).
We were nearing our destination (with Matt singing the Futureheads) when we spotted the two girls we'd seen earlier, walking down the street towards us, except this time being tailed by about eight lads. We all said "****!" in unison. The girls rushed towards us (and Charlotte ONCE AGAIN latched onto me). Charlotte began shouting back at the nearby lads "Just **** off, ****ing leave us alone" (foolish drunk people...). So i quickly pried myself clear (this time more violently) and stood in front of the girls just as the lads 'bowled' up to us.
"Lads, whats going on here?" I asked
I was met with the expected "**** off ****" and "****ing twats, gonna ****ing nail ya all". Standing defiantly, despite the fact that I was uber ****ing scared I asked why they were following the girls. The answer came from numerous people but it was basically that Charlotte had split up with one of the lads earlier in the evening and they were not 'happy' about it (to say the least). During the 'conversation' my mate Matt elboed me in the ribs and said something like "Lets go, this aint to do with us". The eight lads agreed and basically told us three to **** off and leave them 'to it'. Being the most foolish ever I waved Matt and Jack off and told them to "Get the **** away". Both of them looked relieved and rushed past and around into a side-street, I could hear their footfalls quicken and it sounded like they had broken into a jog. So, now it was me and two girls of my age against eight lads who were about a year younger than us (not that it makes any difference when its eight fighters against one of me, and two girls). Trying to lighten the mood (in a desperate manner) I switched my style of speaking to a more gutteral, Chav like accent, and started to make jokes of the situation. I can't really remember what I said but it brought a few laughs. Some of the lads then started saying "Woh, I'll give him one thing, he's ****ing got bollox to send his mates off" to which I replied "Not that it would make any difference, my mates aren't really the hardest around. Neither am I to be honest", I suddenly cringed and thought about what I'd just said. I'd just done the equivelent of telling a wolf "I'm weak and unable to fight you, please kill me now". The lads monopolised on this incident and started generally insulting me "Oh yeh, you look like a ****ing girl with that long hair of yours" and "Yeh, bet you got stick arms under that coat", etc. I whispered under my breath for the two girls behind me to go, being drunk as they were they either didn't hear me or just chose to ignore me. Instead they once again started shouting insults at the lads whilst telling me that I should go and 'save myself' (or something along those lines), which further angered the lads (and thats never good). So, now the lads had got us surrounded and looked ready to start 'nailing ass'. I then noticed one of the lads was a person whom i knew from school (Snowy), and he's not a standard yob, he's actually quite reasonable. So i began speaking to Snowy and explaining that "This is ****ing insane, eight lads against me and two girls", he agreed with me and said something like "This is ****ing stupid anyways, she's only broken up with 'name' anyways, not the end 'o the ****ing world" (I have forgotten the name of the chav who was Charlottes ex). Seeing that the lads weren't attacking i noticed that Snowy was most probably the 'Chav commander', and until he did something then no one else would. So i continued to chat to Snowy in the midst of the 'circle of death' and tried to be as amiable as possible. Eventually after about ten mins I managed to get Snowy to agree to 'pull out' and leave the girls alone, they even promised me they would never hit a girl (or in this case, two). So, after about five more mins of 'negotiations' I left and hoped that the two groups had gone their seperate ways, leaving me thinking "**** me, that was close to the MAX".
Later I caught up with my mates and explained to them what had happened. Then i decided to go home and go to sleep as i was ****ing tired as a Communist (wierd analagy...)
Thus ends my saga, sorry if I bored you with it but I needed to write down all the events of last night to maintain my sanity...
- Cheers all
Please bare in mind that everything that happens here-in is 100% true, sworn upon both my Life and my Code (I adopted a code of honour about 6 months ago.... long story)
Right, ok, so here goes:
Yesterday I rang my mate Matt up to see if he wanted to 'gather a Krew' and go out, he did his usual: "Argg, mmm, ergg, I'll ring ya in like five mins man", I said "Ok" and got back to doing some 3D modeling. I did about 25 mins of modeling and then the phone rings, I pick it up and its Matt.
"Hey, yeh, I'll come out but I couldn't get Jack, his phones engaged. You say Jason would come out?"
"Aye, well he told me at school he would, however Jase is a bit of a fag sometimes..... Well that sucks, Jack better be in"
"Yeh. So, where we meeting?"
"I'll jog down to yours" I said
So, with that settled i grabbed all my 'shizz' (coat, glucose and wallet) and set off on the short jog to Matts house. Jogging through the hoards of chavs (For you Americans: Chavs are like the slime of modern day British youth, the word is believed to stand for 'Counsel House and Violent') that always congregate upon the 'Marsh' (a MASSIVE field near my house). I manged to weave past all the chav groups without any trouble, they normally at least get me to stop and we have the mandatory "How are we lads?" conversation that is the way Chavs decide whether you are worth mugging or not.
So anyways, once passed the 'chav guard' i was nearly at Matt's, a couple more minutes of jogging and I arrived at his house. Knocking upon the door, I waited the usual 5 mins that it takes for him to 'find his shoes' (you'd think he'd get ready whilst I'm jogging.... ass). Anyways, once ready we both begin the very short walk to our mate Jasons house. Needless to say, the asshat decided not to come out as he was doing something 'important' (playing World of N00Bcraft). With our spirits dashed we set off to our other mates home, Jacks house which was yet another short walk (thank god for living close-ish together).
Ok, as I am now getting bored of writing about the none eventful parts of the 'eve I'm going to skip forward in time, so, lets just say that Jack agreed to come out and joined us on our 'wandering around night'. Moving forward in time again, we are now walking along a long road (Fanta-Z in hand) when we see two girls up ahead. I think to myself "Who are they, do we know 'em?" but that question is soon answered when they both cross the road and one latches onto me in a 'hug of death'. My mate Jack is all like "Err, what the ****?" to which I reply with "I've got a feeling they're slightly ****ing drunk".
"We're not drunk" giggles the girl (Charlotte) latched onto me "We have just had some rum, cider, brandy, and...", she goes on to recount numerous other alcohols whilst I try to pry her off me. My mate Matt, ever the smart one, begins asking the other girl (unsure of her name) about where they got the alcohol (so we could go buy some), she however ignores the question and stares around blankly, eventually mentioning the alcohol they've been drinking (Gah, that situation wasn't going anywhere). Eventually I managed to slip out of Charlottes hug (I could hardly just throw her off and risk hurting her) and regain the breath that had been all but squeezed out of me (despite the fact that she's quite a small girl). So, we talked with the girls for a bit, and told them "We had to be going as we're off to meet up with some mates" (Lie) which managed to get them to bugger off. Continuing our walk down the road we got a call from Jason. He spoke to Matt and said something along the lines of "Yeh, now I'll come out, just come back here". Grumbling we changed course and headed back the way we'd come, back towards Jasons house (Fag....).
We were nearing our destination (with Matt singing the Futureheads) when we spotted the two girls we'd seen earlier, walking down the street towards us, except this time being tailed by about eight lads. We all said "****!" in unison. The girls rushed towards us (and Charlotte ONCE AGAIN latched onto me). Charlotte began shouting back at the nearby lads "Just **** off, ****ing leave us alone" (foolish drunk people...). So i quickly pried myself clear (this time more violently) and stood in front of the girls just as the lads 'bowled' up to us.
"Lads, whats going on here?" I asked
I was met with the expected "**** off ****" and "****ing twats, gonna ****ing nail ya all". Standing defiantly, despite the fact that I was uber ****ing scared I asked why they were following the girls. The answer came from numerous people but it was basically that Charlotte had split up with one of the lads earlier in the evening and they were not 'happy' about it (to say the least). During the 'conversation' my mate Matt elboed me in the ribs and said something like "Lets go, this aint to do with us". The eight lads agreed and basically told us three to **** off and leave them 'to it'. Being the most foolish ever I waved Matt and Jack off and told them to "Get the **** away". Both of them looked relieved and rushed past and around into a side-street, I could hear their footfalls quicken and it sounded like they had broken into a jog. So, now it was me and two girls of my age against eight lads who were about a year younger than us (not that it makes any difference when its eight fighters against one of me, and two girls). Trying to lighten the mood (in a desperate manner) I switched my style of speaking to a more gutteral, Chav like accent, and started to make jokes of the situation. I can't really remember what I said but it brought a few laughs. Some of the lads then started saying "Woh, I'll give him one thing, he's ****ing got bollox to send his mates off" to which I replied "Not that it would make any difference, my mates aren't really the hardest around. Neither am I to be honest", I suddenly cringed and thought about what I'd just said. I'd just done the equivelent of telling a wolf "I'm weak and unable to fight you, please kill me now". The lads monopolised on this incident and started generally insulting me "Oh yeh, you look like a ****ing girl with that long hair of yours" and "Yeh, bet you got stick arms under that coat", etc. I whispered under my breath for the two girls behind me to go, being drunk as they were they either didn't hear me or just chose to ignore me. Instead they once again started shouting insults at the lads whilst telling me that I should go and 'save myself' (or something along those lines), which further angered the lads (and thats never good). So, now the lads had got us surrounded and looked ready to start 'nailing ass'. I then noticed one of the lads was a person whom i knew from school (Snowy), and he's not a standard yob, he's actually quite reasonable. So i began speaking to Snowy and explaining that "This is ****ing insane, eight lads against me and two girls", he agreed with me and said something like "This is ****ing stupid anyways, she's only broken up with 'name' anyways, not the end 'o the ****ing world" (I have forgotten the name of the chav who was Charlottes ex). Seeing that the lads weren't attacking i noticed that Snowy was most probably the 'Chav commander', and until he did something then no one else would. So i continued to chat to Snowy in the midst of the 'circle of death' and tried to be as amiable as possible. Eventually after about ten mins I managed to get Snowy to agree to 'pull out' and leave the girls alone, they even promised me they would never hit a girl (or in this case, two). So, after about five more mins of 'negotiations' I left and hoped that the two groups had gone their seperate ways, leaving me thinking "**** me, that was close to the MAX".
Later I caught up with my mates and explained to them what had happened. Then i decided to go home and go to sleep as i was ****ing tired as a Communist (wierd analagy...)
Thus ends my saga, sorry if I bored you with it but I needed to write down all the events of last night to maintain my sanity...
- Cheers all
