Happiness is...

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Sunday funnies:
 

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The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500".
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if
there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and
said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head,
leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma'am, you have $35 million in your
account and our bank doesn't have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment
and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $250,000.
"Well, please let me have $250,000 now", she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed
it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.
The old lady put $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.
?
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
 
GEORGE CARLIN, ON REINCARNATION
I want to live my next life backward:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury,
in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.
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