Wallaby Dan
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Happiness is...
- Thread starter Celery
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Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the beer facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then
would have asked, "About what? "At that point I would have had to explain that
men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting
kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come
up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful
than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the
reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a
guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the beer facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then
would have asked, "About what? "At that point I would have had to explain that
men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting
kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come
up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful
than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the
reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a
guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.
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Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
ane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age)
but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age)
but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
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Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
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