Nukem
Where am I again?
- Messages
- 4,718
- Location
- Virginia Beach, VA
<table style="width: 419px; height: 226px;" border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td><table width="100%"><tbody><tr><td valign="top">[SIZE=+2]"The Snail"[/SIZE]</td> <td valign="top" align="right">[SIZE=-1][/SIZE]
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the **** was that all about?"
</td> </tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><hr width="225"></td></tr> </tbody></table>
</td> <td><table width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td valign="top">[SIZE=+2]"Golf Anyone?"[/SIZE]</td> <td valign="top" align="right">[SIZE=-1][/SIZE]</td> </tr> </tbody></table> A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like ****."
</td></tr></tbody></table>
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the **** was that all about?"
</td> </tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><hr width="225"></td></tr> </tbody></table>
<table width="100%" border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="5"> <tbody><tr> <td valign="top" width="15%">
</td> <td><table width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td valign="top">[SIZE=+2]"The Magical Frog"[/SIZE]</td> <td valign="top" align="right">[SIZE=-1][/SIZE]
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> One day in a great forest there was a magical frog walking down to the watering hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in it's life. By chance today a bear was chasing a rabbit to have for its dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. the frog said "Seeing as you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you each three wishes. Bear you first" the bear thought for a minuite, being the male that he was he said "I wish for all the bears in the forest except me to be female"
The rabbit wished for a crash helmut, the bear thought to himself 'Stupid rabbit why is he wasting his wishes'
It was the bear's next turn "Well i wish all the bears in the next forest were female" the rabbit wished for a motorcycle. The bear was stunned 'Why didn't the rabbit wish for money to buy a motorbike'
It was the bears last wish "OK I wish for all the bears in the world except me where female" the rabbit laughed and gunned the engine then said "I wish the bear was gay".
</td> </tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><hr width="225"></td></tr> </tbody></table>
<table width="100%" border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="5"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="15%"></td> <td><table width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td valign="top">[SIZE=+2]"The Magical Frog"[/SIZE]</td> <td valign="top" align="right">[SIZE=-1][/SIZE]
</td> </tr> </tbody></table> One day in a great forest there was a magical frog walking down to the watering hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in it's life. By chance today a bear was chasing a rabbit to have for its dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. the frog said "Seeing as you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you each three wishes. Bear you first" the bear thought for a minuite, being the male that he was he said "I wish for all the bears in the forest except me to be female"
The rabbit wished for a crash helmut, the bear thought to himself 'Stupid rabbit why is he wasting his wishes'
It was the bear's next turn "Well i wish all the bears in the next forest were female" the rabbit wished for a motorcycle. The bear was stunned 'Why didn't the rabbit wish for money to buy a motorbike'
It was the bears last wish "OK I wish for all the bears in the world except me where female" the rabbit laughed and gunned the engine then said "I wish the bear was gay".
</td> </tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><hr width="225"></td></tr> </tbody></table>
</td> <td><table width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td valign="top">[SIZE=+2]"Golf Anyone?"[/SIZE]</td> <td valign="top" align="right">[SIZE=-1][/SIZE]</td> </tr> </tbody></table> A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like ****."
</td></tr></tbody></table>
