I have been fortunate that my wife was an orphan when I met her so had no relatives to listen to. Thru-out the years she listened to BS advice from friends on occasion but I have been able to deal with that.
Hope things get solved in the best way for all involved (especially the kids).
It doesn't help that her friends and family hate me. I'm an asshole, I'll admit that but overall I'm a very generous and helpful person to the people around me. I'm a dick with the shirt off my back mentality. In any case, they only hate me because of the shit she used to say to victimize herself way back in the beginning. They're honestly (and I'm not exaggerating) too dumb to really think about things critically and put two and two together. Her friends aren't so bad, but again same situation and I don't care to explain anything to these people to right wrongs. IMO it should be up to her to understand what she's done to cause this situation, and listen to their advice with the mindset that whatever they say will be extremely biased against me. They're literally the kind of people that would be say I deserved it if she said she hit me (which she has). Not rationalizing it, but that kind of abuse was in the past. Our problems today are her ditching old habits and stubbornness which will only come with learning things the hard way and wisdom from age. She's almost 30, but she hasn't had to be an "adult" for only about 6 or so years. To make matters even worse with her family, she sees and understands everything I've been saying and even has started hating certain family members for how they are. Sense? There is none lol.
All that being said, after 4 years of being with her I fully understand that if I want this to work (which I do) I need to have severe patience that most people wouldn't have. I fully understand her past, the traumas she tends to ignore, the fact that she's bipolar, how she was "raised", how her ex husband treated her and thus mentally abused her, and I understand that to fix a lot of our problems she needs to learn first hand what it's like to be in MY shoes when it comes to the family responsibilities and her children. The past 7 months we have made big progress in regards to her denial over her ex, her seeing how her family really is, her starting to see the things I've said about her kids are right, her starting to appreciate me for who I am vs just seeing me as a means to an end (despite how shit that sounds), and overall her start to understand her mistakes from the past and the damage they have caused towards me. We're just not quite there with other things and IMO financial responsibility comes solely on having to balance it all yourself when there's a kid on the line. Aka, the absolute hard way. Make it work with sacrifices or live under a bridge type shit. It'll better make her appreciate what I do for this family with regards to finances, and cap her privilege when it comes to my paycheck. It'll also swing her back to our big argument over her car (that I ranted about here heavily) and the situation it ultimately put HER in that she wanted me to fix and why that whole situation was all kinds of wrong.
Yea it's a lot, and a lot of oversharing. But this is more here to be a reminder that my hard part is just starting. She tried moving out today to her new place and immediately started regretting it, so her and the kids are sleeping here again (mainly I wanted the baby to be comfortable, because the older kids need to learn to appreciate what they have too).
