Hussein19891 said:
No I just don`t want have sex girls and leave them. Instead I m sitting down with the parents and just talk to them. If the girls parents do not agree, its always her choice anyways. But I want to do everything in a halaal manner. Besides as much as I hate to say this and sound like grandpa. I still think sex outside of marriage leads to a lot of problems. A lot of issues the west faces stems from weak family structures. So I m going to start off with a strong one.
I m not insulting anyone at all. But its just my 2 cents.
I'm not Muslim (by a loooooong shot), but I have to completely agree with you on the way you want to go about it.
Come Monday (Dec. 1), I will be married 22 years to the same woman, and I have no regrets about it. We've had our rough times and made it through. I was not a Christian when we met or when we married (I was a heathen, in more ways than one). My family is somewhat dysfunctional, while hers was solid.But we we were in love. Things changed over time, and so did we, but we stuck together.
Love is a funny word. Its current usage has little resemblance to what its actual definition is. Love is used flippantly and with no regard for what it can be. Anyone can have
eros, and most can have
phileo, but it is
agape that makes a couple's sum much greater than the parties involved. To be honest, I seriously doubt that many here have ever experienced actual love. If I could count more than would fit on my hand I would be astounded.
Love is not a feeling. Love is not an urge. Love is not a stirring in your crotch. Love is not physical appearance or attraction. So what is love?
Love is a choice. Love is hard work. Love doesn't fall in your lap and then flit away on the breeze. Love is not something that happens "at first sight" or even on the second look. Love will wither and die if it is not cared for, maintained, and fed.
My wife would not be regarded as gorgeous by the standards of you here, but she is the most beautiful creature on earth to me. I make sure she stays in that position. Sometimes it's not easy, like when we argue or are mad at one another, but I still keep her there on that pedestal. Why? Because I love her, and I choose to love her, and I want that love to stay and continue to grow.
Sex is not love. Dogs rut and there is no love involved. Most of what I have read up to this point was basically animal rutting and nothing more. I'm sure most here don't realize this, but there is a person attached to the parts you are interested in, a person with hopes and dreams and fears, a person who longs for someone to want to make them the most beautiful creature on their world. That's the whole reason these girls fall into bed... they are looking for someone, something, to fill that need. They just don't realize that they won't find it with a rutting buck who is just going through the motions and then be off after the next doe.
I respect you, Hussein. You are a man of integrity and scruples... both of which are hard to find. My wife and I waited until we were married, and we don't regret it. For the record, we were engaged for a year before we were married, so it wasn't a matter of waiting a couple of weeks. Waiting is not easy, but it is definitely worth the wait. Things do change after you have had sex, and if it happens outside of marriage she loses the security of knowing you want her and not just what you can get. Women need security, and it will pay you to provide it.
On a closing note, I want to recommend a book to you all. It is not a long one, but it is one that will aid you throughout life. The title is
The Five Love Languages and it is by Dr. Gary Chapman. The book is written from a Christian perspective, but the material it contains is timeless. Here's a
link that gives the basics of it. It is definitely worth the read.
