Please help: missing child of member

[EMMteo]

We had a very long talk today and it looks like (for now) that she will be home and trying to work this all out. She understands she has been given an opportunity to get herself on track and hopefully she will take it seriously. She has agreed to work on whatever is wrong and try to fix it. It won't be a quick fix and she knows it, but as long as she is willing to try I am all in.

Dave, sounds like your doing a great job on parenting. Don't take it the wrong way when she ran away or left for that period of time. I was once at that stage where I wanted to run away then realized it wont solve anything. It also sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, as well as a good knowledge of being a good parent. I like the fact that that you expect the best effort and not to be perfect.

Thats where I believe a lot of parents go wrong. They expect A's in school, they expect their kid to be the best in a sport. Some people just plain can't be that person. As long as you try, like you said, I'd be proud of my kid.

 

[Nick]

i bet ur one **** of a relieved guy

Edit: The blocked word is the opposite of heaven lol i couldnt think of another way of putting it

 

[Brinson]

As a teen myself, I just feel I should say something. Its difficult sometimes, when a parent has high standards or expectations. The expecatations may not even be unreasonable, but that's not really the issue to me. Its more like the fact that these expectations carry so much weight.

With my parents, I can do 90% of what they ask...but the 10% I didn't do will always carry more weight. Its an enormous amount of pressure. I can get As and Bs in school, take twice the normal load, work through the summer, but if I forget to do a random task I was supposed to do, it seems to immediately become more important than the things I am doing right.

*shrug* I just think that parents spend a great deal of time teaching children to think and act for themselves, but when they begin to prioritize tasks in a different way than their parents do, the parents become surprised and upset.

Everybody, child, teen, adult., is irresponsible sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes and does things they shouldn't, or doesn't do things they should. The age of 15-18 is a difficult time because teens are becoming responsibly competent adults. The adults around them have freedoms, chief amongst them is the freedom of priority. Every day people neglect one thing for another. Parents seem to be giving the responsibilities to the child to kind of "test" them and see if they're ready, but they're not giving them all the freedoms because they haven't seen if they're ready, which isn't exactly fair, even if it makes sense.

 

[phucng_10]

Just hope she's in safe hands. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is missing.

 

[veg1992]

Just hope she's in safe hands. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is missing.

lol u didn't read, they found em from what i've heard

 

[murdocsvan]

She said: "I can't live here with these rules because they are uhh...crap"


Because I want her to be responsible for her actions and her decisions. Because I have rules against lying and stealing and not knowing where she is.
Because I think some of her friends are not friends at all. Some of which I wouldn't let come to the house anymore because they were stealing stuff from my neighbor's yard.
Because I expect her to do chores like vacuum her room once a week or empty the dishwasher.
Because I don't reward bad behavior.
Because I make her earn her "freedom".
Because with freedom comes responsibilty.
Because not trying is unacceptable. I have told all my kids that I do not expect perfection, I expect effort. If you give something your all, and fail, I have no problem with that. If you fail because you simply didn't try or didn't care, I have a problem with that.

Because I'm a dad.

And I don't know if she will come home. The youth villiage will send her to school if she goes there to stay. She will graduate high school there and if she does well and wants to go to college, they will send her to college and pay for it. If she can get her head out of her rectum she can have a very bright future. It's up to her. I just want what's best for my daughter, whatever it takes. If that means I only see her on weekends, so be it. If that means I don't get to see her at all, I'll have to learn to live with that too.

sure made me stop and think about how much of a turd i am to my parents sometimes

 

[veg1992]

i bet ur one **** of a relieved guy

Edit: The blocked word is the opposite of heaven lol i couldnt think of another way of putting it

anti-heaven??? thats the word we use.....

 

[Nick]

really? im not the religios person

 

[HAVOC]

Superdave It's nice to get through this thread for the first time and see that you have located your daughter and the frightfully awful hasn't happened.

Although, even though I'd be happy she was safe and alive, I'd be beating the living crap out of her. Some might say, "Oh, that's not the way to handle things... blah, blah, blah..."

Listen pals, I grew up with hard discipline as a child. Not military style discipline, but you darn well learned right from wrong. You knew what yes and no meant. You don't question your parents when they ask you to do something.. All that good stuff. I got rebellious one day with my dad and was throwing a fit over something. I challenge my father and he put me through a sheet rock wall. (Picked me up and slammed my back into the wall - which broke through).

I learned from that experience that when mom and dad say something, it's for your own good. Not because they are being vindictive. I'm glad my parents raised me with rules and discipline. I'm glad they were rough with me when I broke the rules or got out of line. It helps 10 fold later on in life. When you are faced with an ugly situation, you can muscle up to the moment and not be a pusscle.

SuperDave... good luck.

It's so hard to get through to a child that they have the world at their tiny fingertips when they are young. Very little responsibilities... And they can't seem to understand that you are preparing them for worse things to come...
Actually growing up and being out on your own. "AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IT'S NO PICNIC."

I trade my life now for my life living back home with my parents as a kid, in a heart beat... It was SO MUCH EASIER!!!

 

[TheEnd187]

Superdave It's nice to get through this thread for the first time and see that you have located your daughter and the frightfully awful hasn't happened.

Although, even though I'd be happy she was safe and alive, I'd be beating the living crap out of her. Some might say, "Oh, that's not the way to handle things... blah, blah, blah..."

Listen pals, I grew up with hard discipline as a child. Not military style discipline, but you darn well learned right from wrong. You knew what yes and no meant. You don't question your parents when they ask you to do something.. All that good stuff. I got rebellious one day with my dad and was throwing a fit over something. I challenge my father and he put me through a sheet rock wall. (Picked me up and slammed my back into the wall - which broke through).

I learned from that experience that when mom and dad say something, it's for your own good. Not because they are being vindictive. I'm glad my parents raised me with rules and discipline. I'm glad they were rough with me when I broke the rules or got out of line. It helps 10 fold later on in life. When you are faced with an ugly situation, you can muscle up to the moment and not be a pusscle.

SuperDave... good luck.

It's so hard to get through to a child that they have the world at their tiny fingertips when they are young. Very little responsibilities... And they can't seem to understand that you are preparing them for worse things to come...
Actually growing up and being out on your own. "AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IT'S NO PICNIC."

I trade my life now for my life living back home with my parents as a kid, in a heart beat... It was SO MUCH EASIER!!!

Well put Havoc thats exactly how i was raised, escept harsher beatings, when your parents tell you to do something do it, I'm sure glad i turned out they way I am thx to my parents, they understood what discipline meant not putting me on time out or grounding, imho that doesnt work it takes a more physical approach. I challenged my dad once because of a problem i had with him moving my room I was beaten severely with a exposed wire. Overall t was great experience and when i was lying as a bloody pulp(not really pulp) it gave me time to think about why I had challenged him in the first place, and I realized I shouldn't of even challenged him, I also never drank,smoke,or did other drugs even though some of my friends still d, I never fell for the peer pressure,my dad never beat the facts into me or gave me the after school special, I knew what they do to your body so I avoided them. If i would've did what your daughter did superdave i would be disowned living under a freeway or something, and my parents wouldn't even be searching for me, they said when i leave the door is closed. My sister moved out at 17, and she thought she could act all sad but my parents did the right thing and slammed the door in her face, now she has learned a lesson. Anyways congrats on your daughter being safe, Wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her