ummm... have you actually tried going to the Windows update site and downloading the patches? If you do, it will at least give you an eror code as to why they fail.
I have to turn my firewall off in order to download my patches, but I don't know if that could be your problem or not.
My Rig: SABLE
Antec 300 Illusion / Antec EarthWatts EA650 650W / EVGA GTX 760 2GB
AMD FX 8320 x8 Black Edition / Gelid Tranquillo / MSI 970A-G43
Sandisk Ultra Plus 128GB / Samsung 840 120GB / WD Black 750GB / WD Green 1TB / WD Red 3TB
G.SKILL Ripjaws 2x2GB DDR3 1600 - Crucial Ballistix Tracer 2x2GB DDR3 1600
Win7 Ult 64-bit - Func MS3 Mouse - CM Storm QuickFire Rapid Mech Keyboard
R.I.P. Danny L. Trotter
... 14 Nov 1945 - 4 Sept 2009