the st00p!d computer question thread

[mrdinkel]

Hmm... the other day got called out to ask why a computer is so slow and doesn't work...

ALWAYS A BAD SIGN. VAGUE DETAILS ARE BAD.

1. An almost dead power supply.
2. 32 MB PII 300 Mhz(upgraded)
3. Enough crap in the taskbar to kill Ralph Nader.


It's almost as bad as that one post that guy had about the printer.

 

[Harper]

The other thing I love is when they want you explain the problem to them, and you know for a fact that even if you do explain to them, they will stll not get it.

So I have been known to say :-
"You had a cofiguration error in with the wetware"
Translation :- "You have no idea what you are doing? Stop using a computer?"

 

[Harper]

Currently dealing with one of these... :-

CUSTOMER :- I would like to get (insert entry level HP Notebook here) and upgrade the DVD Rom drive to a Combo Drive.

You try to explain to them that they are better off with getting the next model up, but then they start to cry as they really don't want to play for the bigger hard drive, faster processor and more ram.

And telling them that they are better off going for an external USB CDRW Drive (which will be much cheaper), they will then complain that they do not want an external drive.

 

[Harper]

And today's winner is......

END USER :- "Can you install MS Office Pro on to my computer so I don't have to activate it"


My reply, if I don't just hang up the phone, is explaining to them that MS as a $5000 bounty for any one with infromation leading to an arrest to any one doing software priracy of their products, and that $5000 can be theirs if they bust me in after I install a pirate copy of Office on their system.

I have been known to get rather sarcastic with these fools.

 

[mikesgroovin]

When I get questions like these, I file them under ID 10 T.

Someone HAS to catch that. If none of you techies catch that, you are all FIRED.

Yea, every time that I gained a new client in Maryland, I had to pull this joke. *Then I had to write it out for them*.
Everyone thinks I'm so serious all the time! LOL.

 

[Harper]

Yea, every time that I gained a new client in Maryland, I had to pull this joke. *Then I had to write it out for them*.
Everyone thinks I'm so serious all the time! LOL.

Well, put yourself back in the shoes of a novice end user, anmd if some one says I-D-TEN-T Error, it does sound like a normal fault code.

 

[mikesgroovin]

Well, of course! However the humor was intended for myself. Not to make fun of the user. It was a good communication with the new client that I was at least 1% humorous / 99% geek.

 

[Harper]

It was a good communication with the new client that I was at least 1% humorous / 99% geek.

I try wearing some geeky tie. That always breaks the ice with my customers.

However, I hit some of my customers with this one :-

M ost
I ntelligent
C onsumers
R ealise
O ur
S oftware
O nly
F ools
T eenagers

 

[Apokalipse]

basic stuff:

when people call the tower the CPU.

whenever I unplug the modem to change my IP when I plug it back in (it's an external cable modem) people don't understand the basic idea of plugging it back in to connect again.

when people think if a shortcut is missing, the whole program has been deleted

when people have craploads of stuff in the tray, and wonder why the PC is slow

 

[Apokalipse]

when your sister doesn't understand that Netscape works essentially the same as Internet Explorer, and thinks ive "stuffed it up"