In one study of over 10,000 members of the speed-dating service HurryDate, researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and Arizona State University found that, aside from race, a woman's list of preferred characteristics didn't correlate much with the men she actually liked.
We all have misconceptions. A study of 163 college speed daters conducted by Eastwick and Eli Finkel, Ph.D., of Northwestern University, found that men, contrary to their stated assumption, care just as much about a mate's earning potential as women do.
And women are just as motivated by attractiveness as men are. "People have these elaborate theories about the qualities they're looking for in a partner, but ultimately they have little real insight into themselves," Eastwick says.
Your move: Don't try to be the man she wants you to be
"Being too agreeable and connected actually hurts you," Eastwick says. "If you agree with everything she says, you come across as submissive or weak. You're not her best friend yet; you're still trying to establish yourself as someone unique and interesting." Throw in some lighthearted teasing or a contrasting viewpoint. We like the give-and-take, and you'll stand out from the spineless, personalityless crowd.
