airline humor

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sunsider

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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
I've seen those before
I've seen these before too:

what's the yellow tips on the propeller for?
to stop the black stuff from slipping off


what happens when you push the stick forward?
the houses get bigger


what is the propeller for?
it keeps the pilot cool. if it turns off you can actually see the pilot sweat
 
apokalipse said:
what is the propeller for?
it keeps the pilot cool. if it turns off you can actually see the pilot sweat

That's not funny:( When i was younger i went up in a small plane with my uncle and the son of a BI@#% turned the engine off,He had me screaming like no tomorrow,I thought we were going to crash:eek::p
 
Yeah, those quotes are old, but still funny every time I read them...especially the landing one and the midget one. :)

As for plane horror stories, I've probably done everything but die so far. Dying's on my list...but its slotted for after I reach my 211th birthday.

I've been been on two planes where one of the engines caught fire. I've been on one that threw a prop blade (which thankfully missed the plane).

I think the scariest moments I've had in aircraft are once when I was flying overseas, and somewhere over the north atlantic an hour off the UK coast the plane hit turbulence (which is normal) but we felt like we were falling on a roller-coster (normal also) for over ten seconds (not normal). I was also flying a helicopter once when the tail-rotor clutch decided to dissengage and I started spinning...which totally sucked. About lost my cookies.
 
You have had terrible luck with planes man :lol:

That list is very old, and ive seen it a few years ago
 
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