10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek - Techist - Tech Forum

Go Back   Techist - Tech Forum > Member's Area > Off Topic Discussion
Click Here to Login
Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 07-21-2007, 09:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
Ultra Techie
 
kfc469's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 928
Send a message via AIM to kfc469
Default 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

I am a Star Trek fan, I've seen every episode of both TNG and DS9 and I still found this hilarious. I would post a link to where I got this from, but the curse word filter would block it. PM me if you want the link.

Quote:
10. Noisy doors.
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40


9. The Federation.
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it?


And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.


8. Reversing the Polarity.
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."


Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.


7. Seatbelts.
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some furutistic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"


6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.



5. Rule by committee.
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best SF show on TV last year:

Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."


Firefly:

Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"


4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?


3. Technobabble.
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.


2. The Holodeck.
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the holodeck clean.


1. The Prime Directive.
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be heck. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.
__________________

__________________

kfc469 is offline  
Old 07-21-2007, 09:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
True Techie
 
Poon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 101
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

Quote:
As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.
Oh my!

I wish that would happen to me!!
__________________

__________________
Poon is offline  
Old 07-21-2007, 10:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
Grandfather of Techist

\_(ツ)_/
 
Trotter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: The South
Posts: 31,437
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

My wife thought this was hilarious. She is a trekkie and a die-hard Kirk fan.
__________________
Cougar MX330-G / Antec EA650 650W / ASUS GTX960-DC2OC-2GD5 / AMD Ryzen 5 1600 / MSI B350 Gaming Plus
Samsung 970 EVO 250GB M.2 SSD / WD Blue SSD 250GB / WD Black 750GB / WD Green 1TB
2x16GB Corsair Vengence RGB / Win10 Pro x64 / Mionix Naos 7000 / Tecware 87 Key Mechanical

R.I.P. Danny L. Trotter ... 14 Nov 1945 - 4 Sept 2009
Trotter is offline  
Old 07-21-2007, 11:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
Ultra Techie
 
kfc469's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 928
Send a message via AIM to kfc469
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotter View Post
My wife thought this was hilarious. She is a trekkie and a die-hard Kirk fan.
glad she enjoyed it. The part about the polarity is my favorite.
__________________

kfc469 is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 12:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member (again)
 
macdude425's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Raul's Wild Kingdom...How 'bout that, huh?
Posts: 4,202
Send a message via AIM to macdude425 Send a message via Yahoo to macdude425
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

Quote:
Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."


Firefly:

Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"
So true. So very sadly true.
__________________



Debian Support Forums!
macdude425 is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 12:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
Monster Techie
 
Brinson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,195
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

I like #4.
__________________
Antec 300 Illusion
430w Antec Earthwatts
AMD Q4 640 Propus
2x4gb Patriot DDR3 1333
750gb Seagate 7200.11 Hard Drive
Brinson is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 08:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
Grandfather of Techist

\_(ツ)_/
 
Trotter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: The South
Posts: 31,437
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

Yeah, the quiz had her in tears.
__________________
Cougar MX330-G / Antec EA650 650W / ASUS GTX960-DC2OC-2GD5 / AMD Ryzen 5 1600 / MSI B350 Gaming Plus
Samsung 970 EVO 250GB M.2 SSD / WD Blue SSD 250GB / WD Black 750GB / WD Green 1TB
2x16GB Corsair Vengence RGB / Win10 Pro x64 / Mionix Naos 7000 / Tecware 87 Key Mechanical

R.I.P. Danny L. Trotter ... 14 Nov 1945 - 4 Sept 2009
Trotter is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 04:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
NEEDS MORE DAKKA!!!
 
Harper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 6,916
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

I remember Star Wars vs. Star Trek Debates.

Picard slows down to impulse speed while entering an astroid feild where as Solo just floors it.

In star wars, phasers are never set to stun.


I am trying to find that list, but I am getting a lot of youtube references.
__________________

"I FEEL SO GOOD I FEEL SO NUMB, YEAH!!!" -- Rob Zombie
Main Rig - AMD FX-8350x8 4.0Ghz CPU, 4x 8Gb (32Gb) DDR3 Ram, Gigabyte GA-970A-D3, GeForce GT 970 4Gb, 1x 256Gb SSD\8Tb (3+2+2+1) SATA HDD, DVDRW, SB X-Fi, Win 10 (64-bit)
HP zBook 14 - Intel Core i7 4600U (2.1 - 2.7 GHz), 16GB, 512GB SSD, 14" Display, Win 10 (64-bit)
Mobile Phone : Samsung Galaxy 8+Console : Play Station 4 Pro
Harper is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 04:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
Lord Techie
 
Kharn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,638
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

This List has me in tears! honest to goodnes tears! But it also makes me Why BSG is the superior SCI-FI (yea Trekkies you heard me).

Trotter your wife is a heathen Archer would own Kirk and Picard on a bad day.
__________________
Visit this and do something for the world!
www.hackersforcharity.org

Want to do even more? Take a look here and join the fight on human trafficking.

Hear and you forget, see and you remember, do and you understand.

Kharn is offline  
Old 07-22-2007, 06:42 PM   #10 (permalink)
NEEDS MORE DAKKA!!!
 
Harper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 6,916
Default Re: 10 Reasons some people hate Star Trek

The thing that I really don't like about Star Trek is that there is very little progressing metaplot. And with the exception of the Borg Threat and the Dominion, very little has changed in the star trek universe.
Especially when you compair that with shows like Badylon 5 or Galactica.
Mind you it when it comes do B5 of BSG, both shows are some thing where if you need to watch every episode. If you miss one, you've lost the plot. And it's extremely hard to impossible to catch the show mid season and understand what is going on. BSG is from the very beginning. B5 is about from mid Season 3 onwards.

Like DS9 tried doing it. But it really annoyied we that in one episodes, every one is fighting and all that. And then in the very next episodes, it seemed that nothing really happened.
__________________

__________________

"I FEEL SO GOOD I FEEL SO NUMB, YEAH!!!" -- Rob Zombie
Main Rig - AMD FX-8350x8 4.0Ghz CPU, 4x 8Gb (32Gb) DDR3 Ram, Gigabyte GA-970A-D3, GeForce GT 970 4Gb, 1x 256Gb SSD\8Tb (3+2+2+1) SATA HDD, DVDRW, SB X-Fi, Win 10 (64-bit)
HP zBook 14 - Intel Core i7 4600U (2.1 - 2.7 GHz), 16GB, 512GB SSD, 14" Display, Win 10 (64-bit)
Mobile Phone : Samsung Galaxy 8+Console : Play Station 4 Pro
Harper is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Interviw with STERON CEO TheEnd187 New Technology and Products 3 07-20-2007 06:32 PM



Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:31 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.