Funny ibook speed claims

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... Looking for the highest performing Apple laptop/notebook portable computer ever created? Here only the best User computing experience ever is being offered exclusively! Why is my iBook's proven performance & features far beyond even the amazing 1.5GHz or 1.6GHz G4 PowerBooks? Read on!
ummm, yeah, a 1.2GHZ CPU is somehow faster than 1.5 and 1.6GHZ CPU's of the same architecture....

* image inside the iBook The LONGEST LASTING, HIGHEST ACCELERATING HARD DRIVE is integrated! Well known as the [ INDUSTRIAL ] 7200rpm 40GB notebook HD! What does all this mean? Take this 71% performance increase & run it forever! Find that your now racy OS X interface/software is now ready to run 247 applications! Now using the latest A.B.L.E. power-saving management technology!
uh, 7200RPM is not exclusive, even in 2.5 inch hard drives. and 40GB is pretty standard in Laptops. also, no hard drive will live forever, unless, you don't use it. but that defeats the purpose of having it.

* The MOST ADVANCED Slot-Loading 8x DVD-RW & DVD+R DL *MULTI* capable Super-DuperDrive!! This new Dual-Layering optical drive is the absolute latest in hardware! Get better-than-SuperDrive performance with MORE versatility! Read / Burn all on CD & future DVD media including DVD-RAM!!
superdrive = can burn DVD's and CD's, 8x is not the fastest, and dual layer is not uncommon in DVD burners now.

* Up to 11x FAR FASTER THAN EVEN A DESKTOP G4/G5!!... incorporating proprietary WISER™ programming technology! ++CRASH FREE ZONE!!++ Now you can REALLY multi-task without waiting or locking up, making all RAM specs nearly obsolete!! Imagine your computer working smarter as you play harder longer! Would you believe it if I told you the more you use your iBook, the faster it gets? This is the most exciting achievement ever!!
wow, completely wrong about performance being better than G5's, and it is on the lower end of G4's. the only reason it might "Get faster as you use it more" is if the clock speed throttles itself with load. even then, 1.2GHZ is as high as it will go.

* This iBook features helpful trackpad advancements including instant scrolling capabilities. Just drag two fingers over the trackpad to scroll vertically and horizontally around any active window. This is exclusive to my iBook and makes any USB mouse a thing-of-the-past!
no computer is instant. even if it seems so.

* Increase your desktop working space utilizing an external monitor, not just lame ol' mirroring! Play games, watch movies & picture slides on your separate monitor or even your TV / Projector with the optional TV adapter! Now try concentrating on all this while doing your work with your iBook!
wow, you can connect another monitor to it. that's nothing new.

* NOW CHECK THIS!... I have disabled the sleep mode when you close the lid! This means your cat or prying eyes won't disturb your computer / keyboard as you let your computer render or run operations in the securely latched closed-lid mode. Talk about a book-sized desktop that can be portable anytime! Enable 'sleep' when YOU want to manually through your OS X interface on the desktop by simply pushing the power button and enabling! Now press the same button to resume operation! Simple as this! Now seriously, can your mac do that?
really, all you need to do is change the setting for "what to do when lid closes"

eh, I could go on, but you get the point
 
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